Darkness Is A Kind Of Light

I can't hide behind happiness, 2010

india ink, colored pencil, cut paper

10”x15”

A good friend of mine sent me a link to an NY Times Magazine article by Jonah Lehrer on depression, and how--contrary to popular belief--sadness may serve to benefit us all by having an important evolutionary purpose (ironically, Darwin may have suffered from depression while researching his theory of evolution). Applying the analytic-rumination hypothesis to understanding depression, some psychiatrists believe in the power of expressive writing and the supposed heightened sense of awareness and problem solving skills that melancholy can bring out in people suffering from it. But more importantly, what got my undivided attention is the idea that people with “ruminative tendencies” (ruminators, as I like to call them) are more likely to become depressed.

Why? Because, to simplify, rumination is the act of rethinking or reprocessing, over and over again, an issue that causes intense pain and suffering, to the point of neurotic obsession: to "become exquisitely attentive to . . . pain", and therefore "struggle to think about anything else".

The old-school paradigm of psychology considered rumination as a negative force; but guess what? Rumination has a purpose! And this is what I choose to believe--that ruminators bring to light unique phenomenon or ideas that otherwise remain hidden to us. The greatest ruminators of our time have shed light on the human condition in ways that have enlightened society as a whole. My friend calls them "flag waivers". She wasn't referring to patriotism, but to some of the greatest thinkers (sufferers) of our time--Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Wolf, Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir....(the list goes on), who waived the flag of warning about the dangers we face as a society against some of our most destructive tendencies i.e. fascism, bigotry, extreme religion, egoism, sexism and oppression. At one point in their lives, these people suffered episodes of extreme depression, some eventually committing suicide. But what they left behind we regard as indispensable clues to our search for meaning and to unleashing the creativity inherent in the human mind. They continue to inspire us, and help us understand the world around us, our social relationships and our potential as creatures of the mind--but also of the body, and soul. And we continue to celebrate their time on earth.

I am no expert in the study of depression, nor do I have a solid and unwavering opinion about the subject. I remain open-minded to its discourse, but also cautious of the effects of the discourse itself. One thing I am in categorical agreement with, however, is the need to stop stigmatizing depression as some kind of paralyzing disease. To me, it is integral to the human condition. The "yin to the yang", the "bitter to the sweet". I understand that the disturbance to this balance is in fact what depression might actually be, but even sadness is stigmatized. I'll admit, I have a tendency to sadness as much as I do to good food--wow, that's a lot of sadness, you might think.

There are periods when I cannot stop thinking (ruminating) about particular troubles I have with the way things are; and not being able to do anything about it makes me feel trapped. This plunges me into a state of depression; I am consumed by it, and it certainly does affect my concentration for anything else--but it also keeps my brain motivated as I constantly search for solutions, attacking the issue from so many different angles. I don't seem to have the ability to just let it go. It can be a painful process, but blissfully eye-opening. I am "happily depressed", is what it is. Ironic indeed.

Now that I've read this article though, I feel a little vindicated; not because I might actually be suffering from depression, but that there are other ways to think about it, which is more liberating to the mind and less of a trap. Seriously, if you haven't read the article yet, get on it now.

Pain or suffering of any kind.....if long continued, causes depression and lessens the power of action, yet it is well adapted to make a creature guard itself against any great or sudden evil.--Charles Darwin

that all men who have attained excellence in philosophy, in poetry, in art and in politics, even Socrates and Plato, had a melancholic habitus; indeed some suffered even from melancholic disease.--Aristotle

Do you not see how necessary a World of Pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?--John Keats