Jobless Yet Smarter

I can't decide which came first: getting smarter or losing my job. Either one could be a precursor to the other I suppose. Leaving a job that may have given the look of success but kept you from expanding the horizons of your imagination, is in my books, a smart move. Losing this kind of job also propels one to feed the imagination in limitless ways. But here's the important thing to note: I don't regret anything, not a single one of my jobs. Intolerable at times, they still led me to this very moment.

I worked my ass off, as equally as I slacked off; I've been a keen bean as a new employee, doing extra work just to get those brownie points; I've also been the disgruntled and jaded executive assistant who's literally had enough (when push came to shove I moved to the other side of the country). I've met extraordinary people; I've also met the worst of them. I know what it's like to have to run around like a mad woman in Union Square because the office was out of Diet Coke, which is the only drink the Chairman of the Finance Committee of the Board of Directors will have. God knows what would have happened if he never got his Diet Coke. What would have become of the fate of the organization?

I equipped myself with my own personal survival strategies. I tried very hard to concentrate on the larger picture, and to remind myself that there was a greater purpose to what I was doing. But the larger picture became incredibly abstract; and in the end, I could vaguely make out what was on the distant smoke screen. It felt alienating, and I couldn't connect the dots much longer between what I was doing, who it was I was really helping (who exactly was benefiting from my work), and the kinds of impact I really wanted to make. But most of the time, it just felt like I was trying to trick myself into a silent surrender. It didn't feel right anymore. My pay check eventually became the biggest reason behind why I was doing what I was doing.

Despite the daily frustrations and inferiority complexes I suffered, I was able to build a little piggy bank filled with nuggets of wisdom from these jobs. Besides, I was adamant about never straying too far from the kinds of work which kept me in the loop with issues I was ultimately passionate about. I never once had a "random" job. Each one made sense to what I had always claimed to want to do. And in fact still want to do.

The only difference now is that my brain is literally growing, and I am to use it as I wish. That, and I don't have to run around in frantic search of a Diet Coke in the middle of the city.