Recalibration

It's been a while since I've written in here. Suffice it to say, the absence has had more to do with positive developments in my life, rather than a lack thereof. In fact, there is much to say to fill these virtual pages with thoughtful ramblings--but I will refrain myself for now, for fear of getting way too ahead of myself. All the good and the freshness of the past month need some more brewing for my palette to really taste its permanence. Translation: I am still in recalibration mode, absorbing and taking in as much as I can before I make my next move. This could take months, or perhaps even a full year (Lord forbid!); but I'm in no hurry. Life's transformative projects have no deadlines.

Some people are asking me, "what's the game plan?" or "what will you do?" (I feel like these questions act as "sanity-checks", making sure I'm still thinking logically, etc. etc.) Do I really need a game plan, or some sort of strategy right now? How about the pursuit of happiness? Is that alright? Not good enough to some. Apparently, I need to spell it out like some mapping device that starts from point A to point Z. It makes people less worried if you're able to calculate how you're going to get from here to there. Truth is, it's more about them, then it really is about me. It puts people off guard, and can be considered burdensome, when one admits to a lack of a game plan. It seems the only thing that will prove I am getting out of some sort of rut is if I focus on more tangible outcomes; like getting a job and re-inserting myself into the mold of what's expected of me. I call this dreaming small. But who's to say I'm in a rut right now, and not when I actually did have a good paying job, which lent some semblance of a "career", and kept a roof over my head? Oh sure, I was really happy then. A big fat WRONG. I was miserable. And because I was miserable I manifested miserability into ever aspect of my life like a shot of the heebie-jeebies right in the vein.

It troubles me when I sense judgment in their tone when people "voice their concerns" to me; especially from those who don't even know what's really going on, and only bear witness to my life through a telescope and not a microscope. Or worse, when they fail at trying to do it subtly. It's patronizing and unnecessary. For the first time in my life, I feel good about the chain of events that have (within, as well as outside my own control) led me to this place; right here, right now. So maybe the contours of my future are looking a little less defined these days, but that's just because I haven't predetermined my own trajectory--I'm focusing on the ride, and feel myself growing and evolving in myriad ways. The rest will work itself out--I'm not exactly a loose canon with zero sense of responsibility. I'm not a teenager anymore and haven't been for a decade.

All I've got going for myself are a bunch of ideas that have inspired me in ways that I haven't been in a long while. This should be enough to appease all of those who think me aimless and in need of guidance. I'll be the first to admit if I haven't a clue, and I am no stranger to seeking guidance when I truly need it. But today, this just isn't the case.