The Outside and My Insides

I've begun a bunch of drawings on graph paper, inspired by my recent flirtation with geometric shapes and symmetrical design work on paper. I am loving some of the kaleidoscopic drawings and illustration I've been seeing around the galleries here in San Francisco. The bright colors and patterns are contagious and edible--I can almost taste them. Take local artist Lisa Congdon's work for example. Her work is like cotton candy--delicious, sweet and fun. Many artists here seem to be influencing each other in ways that have strengthened the unique identity of the San Francisco art scene. I can't help but be influenced myself.

Though as much as I am inspired by what is taking place outside of my own head space, I am also trying hard to maintain a balance between the "outside" and my "insides". I can't risk loosing touch with my own sense of style for the sake of fitting into what's been proven to be popular and high in demand. I enjoy experimentation and the ways in which local design, architecture, and urban culture finds its way into my imagination and subsequently seeps into my work. This is part of being an artist: the ability to capture, internalize, and then project a meaningful interpretation of one's environment--in other words, to communicate experience in meaningful ways. Your landscape is ever changing, so should your art.

But I fear that in some of my work, that balance between me and everything outside of me can get a bit skewed. This happens when I don't recognize the "me" in some of my studies. This can be trapping because there is a difference between being inspired, and just plain old copying. Picasso did say that "Good artists copy, great artists steal".

There is nothing wrong with co-opting other styles. This is where new energy is created after all, and how major paradigmatic shifts take place that lead us to the next great thing. But there is this little voice in my head, as irritating as it is, that keeps me in check with new directions I take. It asks me things like: "Where are you taking this and how far can you go with it?"; "What does this say or reveal about you?"; or, quite simply, "Do you like it?"

Sometimes I wish I had less clutter in my head to avoid all the pitfalls of self-doubt, or coming off as an impetuous mad woman. But I do get an overwhelming sense of satisfaction when my answer to that last question is a heart-pounding "yes".