Mellow Yellow

unfinished piece that is really doing my head in, April 3

Still working away at the wood panels. Slow, slow, slow at my mellow yellow. I'm working about 8 hours a week--and only at weekends. To my disadvantage, I'm finding that this does not spare me enough time to get into the proper groove of things. By the time I get some momentum going, it's time to pack up and start a new week. I don't like to rush my work, but because I'm squeezing in the painting time in tiny little segments, I can't help but feel the pressure. Nevertheless, my work is still feeling very fresh to me. I'm still in that zone I discovered through my new series of drawings not so long ago--that amorphous zone of new and delightful forms.

However, it's been a painstaking process because I find myself reflecting a lot at each stage of painting --something I use to avoid like the plague, and which was eventually kept to the bare minimum. It use to be a challenge to keep myself from stepping back to think about the direction I'm taking, but I was soon able to master the art of "non-thinking". Too much critical reflection inspires a different kind of piece altogether. My older paintings represented a deliberate effort to disassociate from rational thought to produce something akin to the energy and "purity" of abstract expressionism. But now, instead of letting myself go wild with my automatic impulses, I am choosing to let some thought in a little more: on placement, design, and connection. I'm exercising a different side of my creativity. And so far, despite my lack of confidence in this new approach, something interesting is taking shape, which tells me to go with it some more.