A Hybrid Cocktail of Identity

At the end of the day, we are all mutts: mixed breeds with a pedigree spanning generations of cross-pollination and immigration. No such thing as a pure race (yep, BNP, you better believe it). Our genealogical history speaks to the color beige as the hue of the future--united, like Benetton. Free we are to connect the dots left behind by our blood lines and family ancestry; but free we are not, in the construction of an identity that is solely of our own design and making, unaffected by societal structures, culture, environment, personal experiences, or the color of our skin. You might as well be living in a vacuum if you think nothing outside infiltrates the process of identity construction. However, rest assured that you are a unique snowflake just like everyone else. Think of it as a process of negotiation. Of Self. That pretty much goes on, forever. Like osmosis, but with choice playing somewhat of a decisive role.

I really want to go see Off and Running, a feature documentary by Nicole Opper. This film offers a unique perspective on identity and displacement, experienced by a young African-American girl named Avery who was adopted by a white Jewish lesbian couple from Brooklyn. In the film preview there's this one bit where Avery is asked what it feels like to be an African-American. Her response hit the nail right on the head for me, "I don't know what that means". And why should she? Just take a look at her home and her family. Does this, however, imply that she may never get to know what it means to be African-American, or won't ever have the opportunity to be a part of that collective identity? Well, this is certainly what she tries to achieve in the film. In her own words, "...to know who I am and where I come from". But then, what about her upbringing? What should she make of the world she grew up in at home? Or her relationship with her white parents, her younger Korean brother, and older mixed-race brother? They have inextricably become a part of "who she is", no doubt. What she seeks, however, will inform what she will become, and perhaps even fill in some of the missing links of her past. It would be interesting to see what she makes of this later in her life.

Identity is a complicated subject, and a complicated journey for all of us. I myself have asked similar questions about who I am and who I should choose to be - or at least, how to present myself to the outside world. I was born in Manila, and from the age of 13 lived in England, and as an adult have also lived in other countries. My father is Filipino, and my mother is American of Polish descent. I speak both the languages of my parents, and have maintained close ties to the Philippines, the US, and England. I feel that I carry with me a deep-seated cultural understanding and can identify with being a Filipino, American and a Brit. I have also been referred to as a PhilAm (Filipino-American) or a PhilBrit (Filipino-British): each identity carrying with it a unique set of associations and cultural experience. This would be the case for hybrids of all types. And this brings us back to my beginning point, which is that we are all hybrids in the end.

But what I've truly come to realize is that my own presentation of self is largely informed by who I'm with, where I am, when and what is taking place at the time, or simply how I am feeling. I'm not saying that I feel I can conveniently pick and choose from a set of prepackaged personalities. Rather, I've grown to see the strength in the dynamism of self identity, its resilience and lack of limitation, and the power (both positive and negative) it holds for the individual and to people as a whole. We could argue that much of its fundamentals are man made constructs (think of nationalism or class identity), but we could also argue that it stems from a deeper instinctual drive that makes us who we are. Our desire or need to belong perhaps?

We are a different person to everybody. We are also a different person individually versus as a member of a group. Would I still be the same person if I was born and raised somewhere else? If I was adopted? If the color of my skin was a few shades darker, or lighter? I believe that identity is consciousness and subconsciousness, constantly rubbing off on each other. And I believe that identity is never set, and is forever fluid. It is a strength and a weakness. It is our story.